The Fish of the Day: Role Models

I was just thinking about my various role models; Ms. Pitner, Mrs. Dettra, Dr. Whitworth, Greg (my director for Tom & Huck / scriptwriting teacher), etc. They all seem to have something in common, in that I feel completely dwarfed by them in the respect to which I admire them; I'll never be as charismatic, dedicated, or intelligent as Ms. Pitner, I'll never be as brilliant as Dr. Whitworth, and I'll never be as creative and insightful as Greg. I suppose that's sort of the point, they're my role models because they have qualities I desire, and it wouldn't make sense to want to emulate qualities I already had, but I guess I just feel like there's some fundamental distinction between the people in my life that inspire me and myself; some insurmountable gap that just creates a division.

Am I unrealistic in my choice in role models because of this? Is this perceived distinction real, or imaginary? Am I just not confident in my own abilities? No, I know I'll never be as good a teacher as Ms. Pitner; well, maybe 'know' isn't the worth I'm looking for, but I just feel there's something more than training and experience that separates me from my role models. I just can't seem to put my finger on what exactly it is. I know I'm still young, but I see my youth vanishing a lot quicker than I thought it would. I have about two and a half years of undergrad left. What happens after that? I feel now more than ever that I need to do as much as I can in the short time that's available to me. I don't want my growth and education to slip away from me. It just seems like now more than ever I need to take it firmly by the hand, and become the best person I can be. The problem is I don't think I personally have the drive to do it.

I should start writing short stories again, or just write more plays. I need to do more things to better myself. I don't know. Maybe I should start working out or eating better. Maybe I should try new things, like cross stitching or playing squash. I don't know what I need to do. Maybe I never will.